Confessions of a Harley Quinn
by Fangirl1a
Summary: Harley Quinn takes a look at her life and wonders what being Dr.Harleen Quinzel might've been like.


Confessions of a Harley Quinn

Do you think I meant it to be like this? Do you think I go through life not noticing? Do you think I don't know what I am? Oh, please, I know exactly what I've become.

I remember back to when I was little, just a kid. My parents always fought, this happened every time my Pops got outta jail. So this happened a lot.  
Mom would yell at him, telling him about the example he was setting for us kids. She'd tell him he was a good for nothing criminal. Dad was often half-drunk during these talks so his actions were more unpredictable. It ranged from shouting to complaining to bursting into tears. Either way, I didn't really sleep on those nights.

On one of those nights I was in my room and my little brother, Barry, came in. He wasn't too much younger than me, he was generally pretty independent... Honestly we were never really too close.  
But Mom and Pops were going at it again. Screaming matches all the time now. Barry told me he'd wish they'd stop, he told me when he grew up he wanted to get married to a nice girl, have kids and be happy. Not like this, not like right now.  
I told him I wished they'd stop too. I told him I wished Dad wouldn't keep getting in trouble, even after he promised Mom he would never do it again. Sometimes I wondered why she still hung around. Barry asked me why Pops always does bad things and goes to jail. I said to Barry that I didn't know but that one day I'd find out.

As I grew up I guess I had a pretty normal life. As much as a poverty stricken, fighting parented teen coulda had. I loved gymnastics though, I still do. I use it almost everyday! I used to take the community center gymnastics classes. Mom told me she'd try and get me better classes when we got more money, that meant we needed to keep dad outta trouble so we didn't have to pay his bail so much. Needless to say I never got better classes.  
But my teacher thought I was real good and asked me to try for a competition. I guess I wasn't half bad because I got a college scholarship for it. Mom was so happy for me, she said to me "Finally someone in this house does something!" Barry said that gymnastics are stupid but I knew he was joking because he was smiling.

I didn't just want to do backflips all my life though. I wanted to learn about my dad and why he did what he did. Why did he steal and lie and cheat? Sometimes he'd even trick us, his family. When I was real young, too young to know right from wrong, he had me go into a store and pretend to be lost while he looted it.  
I felt I needed to dig into the criminal mind like I'd told Barry I would. So I signed up for psychology.  
Sadly, I didn't always get the best marks. I guess I just want the smartest, not to say I dod bad... just not good. Usually it took a little extra bribe or flirt here and there to tie up some loose ends of my evaluations.  
Eventually I went through to graduate, said goodbye to my friends and found an internship spot in a place called Gotham City. I found it interesting since I'd a whole bunch of wacky villains roamed the streets there. So I went to work at Gotham's own Arkham Asylum.

I said my goodbyes to my family, even my Pops was there to say bye to today. I took off to this Gotham City, it was quite the character indeed. My first day on the job I saw one of inmates who just made my day. You guessed it, it was my beautiful Mr. J! I was smitten the first time I looked at him. Course, I couldn't show it, that'd be unprofessional.  
Arkham was an interesting place with interesting people. Some were just downright crazy while others (like the Joker) had more of a background. It felt so ironic to leave a family with a father as a criminal to go learn about criminals like your father for your family. Anyway, I think you all know the story but I'll tell you anyway. I was intrigued by Gotham's most dangerous villain, the Joker.  
I can't explain it but I was just absolutely smitten with him the first time I looked at him. I didn't let it show though, and for the longest time I was in denial. Either way I was very into learning more about him, I guess I'd always found the criminal brain fascinating. When I had my first session with him I fell smitten with his charm. He opened up to me and it was so sweet. Soon I saw that he really wasn't that bad, he was just an injured child looking for the world to laugh at his antics. I was going to help him, looks like I spent a little too much time with him. One day when my little Angel came home bruised and battered I knew who to blame. This Batman who stood in front of me. I'd never forgive him. So I broke Mr. J out of his cell so we could spend the rest of our lives together. Of course Batman always sent us right back to the slammer.

I love Mr. J with all my heart...but sometimes others tell me I shouldn't. People like Ivy (who's a little too into girl power and plant power if you ask me) say that he treats me terribly. People like Batman try and tell me I'm crazy for liking him, that he's a horrible person. But I can't leave him, I'd never leave my Mr. J. He doesn't really show it but he does love me, he really does. I'm not insane, he's all I've got. Sometimes I'm rough on him too. Anyway I'm sick and tired of hearing it! Sure, sometimes I doubt the relationship, but I know he'll always come through.

I didn't keep very well in touch with my family during all this of course. You know, sometimes I'd sneak money away for them. Something for Mom and Dad to get by on after he changed his ways, if that ever happened. Trust me, it never happened. Barry's got some kids now, no wife though. Basically he sits on the couch like a bum and doesn't exactly have the best of manners. My mother is ashamed I know. Her husband is a crazy criminal and her daughter isn't much better, her son just sits back and does nothing. I can't stand it. I'd rather not visit them, I prefer to be with Mr. J. Even though it can annoy me, I still find it sorta thrilling to fight the Bats and Bird-Boy all the time. I like it, just like this, how it is.

I'm happy with this. I really am. But sometimes I wonder what could've happened if I took another path. What if I'd continued with the psychologist stuff? What if I'd helped Daddy to become better?Maybe then my mom wouldn't be so stressed. Maybe Barry could've had a life. Maybe we could've all been a family.

But I didn't take that path. It's too late now, isn't it? I'm different an I'm happy with it. I love my Joker and I always will. I'll always be like this. I've got everything I've ever wanted.

I'm not crazy I'm just a determined, bubbly, funny, (absolutely in love) Harley Quinn


End file.
